I was listening to a radio program while driving a few days ago and they had a sociologist on talking about a study he did in a particular neighborhood. (I forgot which area… oh well). But it was interesting listening to him explain his findings.
He said many people do not sit out in front of their homes like they use to back in the day.
And if they do, it’s rare they say hello as you pass.
I recall being in Staten Island a couple of years ago staying at my sisters home while I coached basketball at a nearby college. There was a couple of people who lived close by who were always out in front of their homes but for some strange reason rarely said a word to me in passing.
Oh I tried to break the ice, like I normally do but getting these people to even crack a smile was difficult. It was like their jaws were wired shut.
Remember in our neighborhood there were many people sitting on stoops on almost every block whether it was during the day or at night, always engaging in conversation as you passed them.
Look, I can understand that you don’t feel like talking at times, but a smile and a quick ‘hi’ is a great start!
I remember a guy who lived next to the Cullen’s on Windsor Place whom we all called ‘Scooter’, this dude was always out talking to people.
Who were some of the most famous ‘stoop-sitters’ in our neighborhood?
-SF
Hoops135@hotmail.com
CONTAINER DIARIES 
Denise McNeely Decker said:
Yes, but the older crowd remembers people hanging out the windows too. I grew up on 15th St. in the same house as Eddy and Danny Mills. Their mom would hang out the window and yell hello to people everyday. My grandmother would sit in the window or on the stoop talking to neighbors for hours. It really was a very different world.
Harold Flynnn said:
Wow. I just discovered this blog. I remember Danny Mills very well but for the life of me I could not remember his red headed brothers name. I went to Holy Name with Eddie and knew and met Danny Mills at St. Michaels Diocesan High School (which I hated with a passion) while running Freshmen Track. My brother John was a much closer friend of Danny Mills whom if I remember well was a member of the FDNY and later became a lawyer.
Red said:
Hello Harold.
Thanks for writing.
Hope all is well.
hoopscoach said:
You are correct, I used to sit at the windowsill too and talk to everyone who walked by…
jimmy vack said:
We did nto have a stoop but my aunt, uncle, and my parents would sit in the arie and by the third time a new face would pass by.the conversations started. My aunt and uncle were out there almost all day. The maiman would be down the block and by the time he came to the house, he’d come in the gate and a cold beer would be waiting for him. People would come in to watch some of the Met game on my litte B&W tv that we had in the arie at nights.
They talked with everyone, LALA included. Like I said, they were the neighborhood watch. The window sills were for night conversation with Donny Rice to talk about what we are goona do the next day.
PS.. I finally got a stoop in 2005 at the Brooklyn house, after a 40 year wait….
TonyF16St said:
Louisa Howard on 16th st, last house before 10th ave.
I think they used to take the snow off her in the winter.
and remember her Grandfather Louie “Bachagallop” didn’t speak a word of english but would talk to everyone and anyone who walked by his stoop
hoopscoach said:
Tony,
I loved Louie! He was the best…
Jerry Cole said:
Coach,
Scooter was a great stoop sitter. He knew everyone and always had some kind words, a smile & a wave for you as you passed by.
Funny, but living out here in Jersey I too have noticed that there are some folks that just don’t seem to say hello. Interestingly enough, in the old neighborhood it seemed like everyone said hello as you passed. Granted, in the neighborhood you walked the streets. No one does that here in Monmouth County.
I think it’s a bit ironic because in the burbs you’d almost expect that people would be a little friendlier. Perhaps in this instance city folk are just plain friendlier thank “country” folk. 😉 Could it be, that in a tight knit community like the one that we grew up in people are just naturally friendlier?
TonyF16St said:
Jerry,
I think it’s just a sign of the times. Years ago everyone was pretty much in the same boat. Mothers stayed home to watch the kids we pretty much all came from one income families and it wasn’t uncommon for a neighbor to reprimand some one else kids.
Today everyone is scrambling to make a buck,we live above our means and god forbid someone says something to a kid.
Were too afraid of a lawsuit or retribution from the kid as well as the parent. Everyone is raising angels today.
We need to go back to the beat cop. And I really hate to say this Nuns,Brothers and Priest.
All said and done it sure worked for us. We all learned the one word missing in kids to day. RESPECT
How come we didn’t have special ed or adt or lmnop or any of the things kids have today?
We had Skinhead.
Jerry Cole said:
Tony,
No doubt that back in the day no one ever went home from school and said Brother So And So hit me. Why? Because you were pretty much assured that if you did that you’d end up getting another whack at home. Today, that would bring a healthy lawsuit.
I agree that respect is definitely a missing element and Steve has touched on this theme on numerous occassions. I also think that a lack of fear for consequences is part of the problem. Like you said above, today no one is going to reprimand someone else’s kid for a number of reasons. That almost gives the kids carte blanche to say and/or do whatever they like. Definitely a sign of the times.
jimmy vack said:
JERRY,
I remember a good kid (it may have been Steven Shine)came home and was upset that Gillen hit him. His mother (a sweet lady)asked why and he admitted he was taking in class. The next thing I know is she has him up against the wall screaming at him. I wanted to run home and hide
I agree to a certain level. The hitting did not bother me as
the punishment lessons you had to write at home.. That took away my outdoor time. Getting hit by a teacher and walking back to your seat with a smirk on your face made you llok cool.
My folks were among the few that did not hit. They would ground me and it worked. I used to take stuff away from the kids or ground them. Part of the problem is tha parents.. the majority of the kids aren’t much different than we were .
The problem is that some of the parents want to be their kids’buddies and there seems to be a competition as to who can have the biggest sweet 16. As far as reprimanding other people’s kids, screw the parents. If they think I am going to listen to them curse up a storm on my block or smack a smaller kid around they are out of their mind. The only difference is I wait a few minutes to stop or the parents to do something.
Tony16ST said:
You know what? it really wasn’t about the double ass kicking as it was about we just didn’t do it, its so hard for me to explain to my own kids that we weren’t the best but we just didn’t go around questioning,disagreeing or just down right being a smart ass with an adult.
We talked about scouts, now a lot of you remember Mr. Terelli,I truly loved and respected that guy. If he said jump you’d jump no questions asked as did all the other fathers Tony Pesce,Mr Mullins and on and on. the same with teachers we just didn’t question anyone.
I think we had a lot more respect for authority in those days.
We also talked about the Saxons,Huns and Jokers. I knew all these guys first hand and I can honestly say we never hurt anyone in our neighborhood
We never got together and said hey lets go mug someone,We just didn’t.
jimmy vack said:
I agree with you about that. I thik the amount of smartasses has increased. We weren’t saints but we were always respectful to our elders. I woudl go to the store for my neighbor, shovel snow, and then raise hell with my buddies..
What bothers me most today is the fighting. In our neighborhood, when we were kids, most of the time it was one on one and when they guy couls no longer hurt you it was over.. now other kids jump in or the one guy, if he is winning, will try to put you in the hospital .. also .. ten guys will go hunting for one guy..and the girls are just as bad. I told my son when he was younger, that that was being a coward or whatever damn word you want to use and no son of mine ibetter be a part of it. I also warned my son to walk away from a fight if he could . especially if he was not in the nieghborhood. You never knew who will jump in..
hoopscoach said:
Jerry,
BINGO brother, it’s the parents at home – that’s where it all starts.
No discipline at home = undisciplined kid in society.
I had a great conversation with someone a few nights ago – do you ever notice that the parents who complain about their kids playing time on their current team never played the game or rode the bench!
They don’t have a clue…
I recall reading a quote from Bill Cowher who would go and watch his daughters play basketball. He would sit way at the top of the bleachers and watch. That was it…
Parents need to leave coaches and teachers alone…
jimmy vack said:
Steve,
I agree but having said that, I don’t like blaming parents until I know the whole story. The scariest thing for me as a parent of a 20 and a 21 year old is ultimately they have the power of choice. Think back when we were kids, and the
average family was about 4 kids.. how many families we knew where 4 kids turned out great and one had problems.
We all had moments where we could have tried hard drugs,
stole a car, gangfight, being egged on to speed in a car, or even dared to steal something from a store.. I remember getting my chops busted because I would’nt do it but there was temptation and curiousity. We all knew people who made bad choices and suffered consequences and they
were from good families and not always bad people. They just made bad choices.
hoopscoach said:
JV,
Actually let me start over. I’m not saying every bad kid has bad parents, let’s just say that ‘most’ of them do. I agree that there are good kids that make wrong choices – it’s well-known.
I will search for some stats I came across from a very reliable study…
• 60 percent of America’s rapists came from fatherless homes.
• 72 percent of adolescent murderers grew up without a father.
• 70 percent of long-term prison inmates are fatherless.
source: “Life without Father,” copyright 1996 by David Popenoe. Reprinted by permission of the Free Press, an imprint of Simon & Schuster Inc.
*********************************************
Now may I remind you, because a father isn’t in the home doesn’t make the kid bad, but you can bet the discipline isn’t as strong or even being taught. Which goes back to my equation from the original post.
Most troubled kids I deal with on a daily basis have a rough situation at home.
TonyF16St said:
Steve,
You are 100% correct.
No home stability, discipline and imprinting makes for a problem.
All children need guidance and nurturing from both a male and female figure. Again this doesn’t always make for a perfect person but it sure helps. The child is under less stress to figure out what is right and wrong.
Also I am a true beleiver in sports to help a child learn the meaning of working and intermingling with others to make them more well rounded.
hoopscoach said:
Tony F,
Sports is a great outlet! (I’m living proof)
Also, the library to read and write is another fantastic resource!
jimmy vack said:
Steve,
I agree with you a 100 percent about the numbers. I always think there should be a special place in hell of those parents that consider raising their kids a low priority.
As far as sports go , it still helps me in my daily life. I always pride myself on being a team player. If a co-worker is overhwlemed, i jup in and try to help. I always do the best I can regardless of my boss and the environment around me. I have been fortunate that thepast couple of years I have worked with some great people.
I agree with you on the library, it is an awesome tool to learn and enjoy and it’s free!! I like the internet too but the library is better. I often go in to find one book and another jumps out at me..
hoopscoach said:
JV,
LOL…I do the same at the library (just like at the supermarket)!
Tommy Cole said:
It’s true you can’t blame the parents all the time – once the kids are older – but, when working with young people, I find that they usually reflect the parents from early on. When I taught grammar school, I always got a better understanding of a kid once I met the parents…or lack thereof. Normally, once I understood the home situation, I gave the kid alot more attention and understanding. In fact, usually the kids I liked best were the “troublemakers.” I guess they reminded me of myself. I was always in the office or at the end of the paddle from 4th – 7th. grade.
One of the problems I have discovered is that we are now dealing with a generation of kids who were raised to be self absorbed and absolutely clueless about anyone other than themselves. I know I sound like my father now that they have too damn much and just keep getting. Seems like we had a very different life experience than kids today. Oh yeah, Happy Labor Day!!! Summer’s over…pray for teachers everywhere.
Mary Anne Monaco (Monaco said:
I had an interesting experience working in a school cafeteria in New Jersey. Two children (brother and sister) stood out because they were polite and well behaved. Their dad was an orthodontist who I ended up taking my kids to. When he asked how I found out about his practice I said his children were so well behaved that I knew the parents had to be good people and they proved me right. The orthodontist actually sent my kids dentist a letter thanking him for taking such good care of my childrens teeth. The dentist said he had never gotten anything like that in all his career. The children were a true reflection of the parents and it showed.
Like most parents I complained about my kids-but I think we did a pretty good job. I only hope I set a good example for them on parenting like my parents did for me.
hoopscoach said:
You know, furthermore, all we have to do is look in our neighborhood!
Think for a moment (to yourself of course) about the kids you grew up with. Think about their situation, then look at how they were as kids. Think of their parents!
You played with them – you hung out with them.
Now, of course there can be a time in their life when that switch comes on and they move down the correct path after leading a rough life.
But look back and see what I’m talking about!
jimmy vack said:
I agree with all of the above.. but we all knew good families that had kids that wound up in trouble later an almost all of them had good hearts but made decisions that hurt them and the people who cared about them…. I agree the odds go up when you have two strong, caring parents at home. I am glad my kids are doing well and I take pride in that but I also give them credit for making good choices..
I also have had kids in drivers ed that I admire.. kids that do not have anything who work, contribute to the house,
and pay their own way, and act as a substitute mother or father while their mom is at work. You know that they are gonna be something…
manktelow said:
Tommy Cole a troublemaker? Maybe in a parallel universe!
More like he would be in the office volunteering to help out.
One of the nicer, more level headed kids. If someone told me that Tommy was now a brother or a priest, that would sound right.
Tommy Cole said:
Guess you weren’t around for the Moro fiasco and followup…LOL!!! Anyhow, life goes on…and between the
bros and betty I guess I was somewhat socialized into submission…LOL!!!
BETTY T.B.K. said:
I remenber one day I was about 8 or 9 yrs of a age, or 10, 11, Oh well I dont remenber, around there, My mom and I was on Windsor Place, and she stopped to talk to this young man (who was mentally challenged) and I went behind her back and started to make fun of him and she saw me, and said excuse me for one min. and she proceeded to hit me, and went back to her conversation with this young man. Well let me tell you, I dont belive I ever did that again!!!!! The conversation is so true it does begin at home, our first relationships are with our parents, and siblings. Jerry C. so true, I would never tell my parents what the nuns did to me thinking Id get another hitting. But many years latter I did tell my Dad and he was upset and did ask me why I never did tell him. My girls growing up, I can count on one hand just how many times I did swat them, it was to teach them and not to hurt them. Those stories that you guys were sharing, about the beatings, really brought a sadness to me. No child should ever be treated that way, no one has the right to ever put their hands on another human being, only to protect themselves in self defense.
Jerry Cole said:
Betty,
I think that TonyF, Tommy and some of the other guys were the ones that may have witnessed the most severe instances. In my time in HN I would guess that I saw a dozen or so kids get paddled, and another dozen or so get whacked on the hands with rulers for not doing homework. The instances that I recall are somewhat mild in comparison to what some of the other guys have brought up.
I don’t think I’d say that I ever saw anything that could be considered a brutal beating. Rulers and paddles were the tools of discipline back in the day. Thankfully, I was not on the receiving end (no pun intended) more than twice that I recall. Anyone remember watching a teach zip an eraser at an unsuspecting kid who was wither talking or sleeping in nclass? Some of the HN educators had tremendous aim which if it were a sport could have brought them Olympic Gold!
Jerry
TonyF16St said:
I’ve come to realize that if you had a father who was hands off as mine was (the teacher was alwasy right) and he worked so much he had no time to be involved in my life.
You became fair game and he(Skinhead) knew no one was going to protect you.
Even when I quit the scouts and tried to explain it was: I was a quitter and I shouldn’t say things I couldn’t prove.
If everybody he preyed on came forward I’ll bet 99% of them had no father involved.
Grace Gormley Lyons said:
I know I am almost 3 years late with a comment, but I just starting re-reading some of the posts. I was widowed at 31 years old. My husband Dennis died of a heart attack at 33 years old. My children were 5 & 8 years old. I didn’t try to become both Mother and Father I concentrated on my role Mother. My sons would and still do talk with me about everything. I had rules that were broken a lot. But what I did have was a schedule that I stuck to. Bed time was 7:30PM Winter or Summer. The blinds went down and it became night. I hit them when it was necessary and I was and still am a yeller which I don’t recommend. But my point is that Thank God my Sons really never gave me any problems just the usual boy stuff. And I believe it is because we communicated. So important. The best thing that happened to me was when one of my sons told me there were certain things he didn’t do because of the talks we had about having respect for elders, not making fun of anyone who may look or be different from you and not feeling like a sissy just because you don’t like to fight. I do consider myself one of the lucky ones. But I learned this from my parents and all I did was to try and be as good a parent as they were. It all goes back to that. Sorry for the late comment. But I don’t think it ever to late for a new comment. Thank you. Grace.
hoopscoach said:
Thanks for sharing. Excellent stuff.