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CONTAINER DIARIES

~ By Steve Finamore

CONTAINER DIARIES

Category Archives: Depression

CHOICES

18 Sunday Aug 2019

Posted by Steve in Blog, Brooklyn, Container Diaries, Depression, Suicide

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

1970's, 1980's, Anxiety, Crime, Drugs, Habits, Mental Health, Neighborhood, New York Post

This morning while browsing the  on-line version of the New York Post I came across this story.  (Click the link…)

https://nypost.com/2019/08/17/buddy-duress-should-be-a-huge-star-but-he-cant-stay-out-of-rikers/

Duress’ first time in Rikers was a decade ago, for petty larceny. He’s been sent there some 10 times on charges ranging from heroin possession to identity theft. In fact, he was at Rikers when his big break, “Heaven Knows What,” premiered at the New York Film Festival in 2014.

Back in the day in our neighborhood there were kids who made poor choices.

Let’s face it, things weren’t easy growing up in the 70’s and 80’s.

We all had our challenges, I sure did.   And there were times I didn’t handle the challenges facing me very well.

Temptation, peer pressure, the streets and low self-esteem contributed to the downfall of many teenagers, including me.

IMG_4425

You are not born a bad person.  You are not born a good person.  We are born choosers.  Your choices determine how you progress through life.

Make a poor choice, you’re going to pay for it.

Make a good choice, most likely things go well.

Your upbringing, the environment you live in and thinking you can do what you want are just a few factors determining how your life shapes up.

Someone once said, “show me your friends and I can show you your future.”

Forming positive habits and working on them daily is the key.  Making positive and healthy choices every day is what will help you on your journey.

Do drugs – you’re hurting yourself.   Drink irresponsibly – you’re hurting the ones who love you.  These two deviant behaviors lead to self-destruction.

Mental health is a popular subject these days.  Anxiety and depression are two areas people are struggling with.   Quick question; Were we as kids dealing with these things and not knowing it?  Did anyone go to a doctor and get diagnosed as bipolar?

The signs were there.  I can sit here and list many examples, but I will hold off.

I am happy society is stepping up and putting emphasis on mental health.  But it pains me when someone commits suicide because they can’t cope, especially teenagers.  The numbers are increasing.

I hope the talented actor in the article above learns his lesson.  He’s surely fighting some serious issues.

Work on your positive habits today.  Main thing is we can’t give up.

Give a Good Day.

-Steve

Hoops135@hotmail.com

THIS AIN’T NO MUDD CLUB

29 Saturday Oct 2016

Posted by Steve in Bartender, Beer, Booze, Brooklyn, Bruce Springsteen, Colitas, Confession, Debi Mazar, Depression, F-Train, Five Balls of Life, Friends, Hang out, Jack Ryan, Jimmy Routhier

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

1018, Area, Danceteria, Limelight, Peppermint Lounge

Last night I was talking to my wife and telling her all about the great clubs from back in the day. Boy did we have fun. I highly doubt the club-scene is still rocking like back in the day.

My Top 6 NYC Clubs of All-Time

1-Peppermint Lounge (The new one on 15th and 5th)

2-Limelight

3-1018

4-Area

5-Danceteria

6-La’Mour

ITCHYCOO PARK

05 Friday Aug 2016

Posted by Steve in 1970, 1977, Booze, Brown Bag, Colitas, Container Diaries, Depression, F-Train, Hang out, Holy Name

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Container Diaries, Washington Square Park

“What did you do there?”

In my teens I began to spend time over in the city, especially when I would play hooky from school. Hop the turnstile (or rush the gate) at 15th street-Prospect Park; catch the F-Train and ride to a place that seemed like a different world.

Here’s a story from the New York Post on Washington Square Park in the Village. Been there many times.

http://nypost.com/2016/08/04/crackheads-bums-and-hookers-have-taken-over-washington-square-park/

DEATH REMINDS US HOW TO LIVE

02 Sunday Nov 2014

Posted by Steve in Depression, Robin Williams

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

Depression, Robin Williams, Wayne Brady

This past summer the news of Robin Williams committing suicide rocked us.

Reports say one of the best entertainers of all-time battled depression.

While crying over the news, something hit me; I too struggle with depression. Seems like I’m one of 16 million people.

Damn, picture that!

In seven years of blogging, this is probably my hardest entry to post. It’s not easy revealing your feelings.

But fuck it, here goes.

Robin Williams

This past June I turned fifty years old.  Oftentimes I find myself wondering what’s ahead? Know what I’m talking about? I’m always wondering what the future holds?

Mr. Williams was diagnosed with this “quiet” disease.  Cancer is talked about on a daily basis. Pink is the official color.

I have tried to learn as much as I can about this awful affliction they call depression.  I have scoured the internet for articles to educate myself.

Depression: How come no one ever talks about it?

Just once I would like to hear:

“Hey how you feelin’ today?”

“I’m a little depressed.” 

But the answer is usually, “I’m doing well and you?”

BULLSHIT!

People who are depressed probably feel they are too “macho” to admit it.

Maybe it’s pride, stubborn pride. Yeah that’s it.

Or, maybe they’re embarrassed to admit it.

Maybe you’re afraid someone will make you feel worse?

“Get over it.” How many times have you heard that one?

Shit, maybe some people don’t realize they are depressed.

No one teaches us how to cope or how to deal with depression. They never taught me anything in school about it.

IMG_1857

Did you know October was Depression Awareness Month? I sure the hell didn’t. Just went 31 days and didn’t hear it mentioned once.

I’m here to tell you that’s its okay. But first you have to admit to yourself that you are depressed. You have to stop running away, stop hiding and stop denying.

Everyone talks about “toughing it out.”

Stay strong, battle, don’t give up…fuck all that!

Let your feelings me known.

Sit down with someone and talk. Call a friend. E-mail them. Text Message. Do what ya gotta do.

Listen, you’re not a bad person if you are depressed. It’s no one’s fault.

There is a stigma attached to depression. But we can’t let what others think hold us down. Here’s a little secret, I used to worry about what others thought of me. Once I stopped worrying about that shit, my life improved.

Who cares what people say behind your back. If they don’t have the balls to say it to your face, FUCK ‘EM!

Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Matter of fact, do it now.

I have heard people say someone is a coward, weak or selfish when they commit suicide. I don’t buy that shit at all. I do know that you’re a stronger person if you ask for, or seek help.

Depression has led people to the bottle, cigarettes, drugs and violence.

Shoot, something as simple as eating too much is another escape route from depression. It’s a warning sign.

Motivational and Inspirational quotes get me through the rough times; matter of fact I start my day off with some hot coffee and an uplifting quote. I listen to music and exercise too.

My chinese meditation balls which I purchased on Canal Street 20 years ago have been by my side all this time.

There’s also Yoga, Pilates, stretching and deep breathing that has helped pull me through. There’s a ton of ways to combat this deadly disease. Of course though you have to take the first step.

I don’t know too much about the medical side of depression like biological basis in the emotional centers of the brain and all that. What I do know is I can feel depression.  It travels from head to toe. It’s like a river of hot boiling water flowing through my body; at times taking it’s sweet fucking time putting me through misery.

I get pissed off.

Fatigue sets in.

I break down where I don’t want to do anything. I become anti-social.

I feel sad, unhappy, often times miserable; another way to put it, I’m down in the dumps.

I succumb to a mid-day nap.

Some nights I will go to bed early.

The daily stress can get the best of us.

Most of us feel this way at one time or another for short periods. (I can just hear you saying, nah, not me.)

Growing up in Brooklyn will do it to you. Nah, fuck that, you can grow up with a silver spoon in your mouth in the middle of Beverly Hills and still be depressed.

From the outside Robin Williams lived a decent life. He was talented, made people laugh and was a hell of an actor. Do yourself a favor and watch his movie, “Good Will Hunting.”

Williams was loved by many fans. Did he know people loved him? Cared about him? Were there to help? Sometimes all that bullshit doesn’t help.

I live a decent life, have a great wife and a wonderful fifteen year-old daughter. I get to do what I love (coach basketball and write), life can’t get any better, right? But then why do I feel, at times, depressed?

Having supportive people around you is good but the bottom line is you have to deal with it on your own.  You have to make a decision that you will fight every day. You can’t give up. You have to dig down deep and pull yourself up.

I know it’s impossible to be in a good mood all the time. I try to act happy around others. (Act is the operative word there.) But there’s a trigger that sets me off, a switch which turns me into someone I’m not.

Sometimes I take it out on others. Sometimes I keep it bottled up inside.

Right now I am in Starbucks and while composing this entry the Barista is sweeping around my feet trying to get all the crumbs off the floor. Look I know they have a job to do. He’s hit the leg of my chair not once but twice. I was tempted to turn around and give him a dirty look. I was perturbed. The old me would have laced into him.

During my research today I came across this line, “Untreated depression is the leading cause of suicide in the US, and suicide claims 34,000 lives in this country every year.”

Don’t worry, I will never take my own life. I love my wife and daughter too much. I love life (most of the time) coaching and writing are my passion. But believe me, I do fight bouts of depression at times. Will I ever be cured of it completely, probably not but I have to keep finding ways to off-set this horrible disease. Depression will show up from time-to-time. It’s how you handle it that matters.

There’s some great material out there on depression. Here’s another passage I found:

Depression is the grand imposter — posing as all powerful.  It can be defeated, every time, if you or the person you care about confronts it like the grand imposter that it is.

At times when depression wants to challenge me, I do my best. It’s tricky. Depression wants to trap you, to keep you down.  But I choose to confront this motherfucker…I don’t run, hit the bottle or place blame. Depression will not defeat me.

And if you feel like talking, e-mail me for my number and we’ll talk. You have a friend who cares.

By the way, thanks to my guy Frankie P. for passing this article along to me. Wayne Brady revealed longtime battle with depression.

“Some days you don’t want to move. You can’t move in the darkness.”

-Red

Hoops135@hotmail.com

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