Composing this blog entry was not easy. I wavered back and forth all morning whether I should take the time to write about a sensitive, private, but disturbing issue…Screw it, I decided to go forward with it!
I watched an episode of Outside the Lines on ESPN Sunday morning. The main topic was football coach of the Oakland Raiders, Tom Cable accused by his former assistant coach of assault. The story also included Cable being abusive towards females in his life; a former wife and a recent girlfriend.
“From my blind side, Tom Cable threw me from my chair and into a piece of furniture that a lamp sat upon,” Hanson told Yahoo! Sports of the alleged Aug. 5 incident. “He was screaming, ‘I’ll [expletive] kill you! I’ll [expletive] kill you!’ And I have no reason to believe he wouldn’t have killed me if they hadn’t pulled him away.
“If my head would’ve hit a different way, I might be dead right now.”
That was the assistant coach on ESPN.com
This disturbing subject (Domestic Abuse) brought me back to my days as a kid watching my late mother Carol Corbett getting hit by a couple of men in her life.
I once witnessed a terrible beating she received in broad daylight at Jones Beach by one of her boyfriend’s. (Have I mentioned in the past how my father hit her too?)
It was a late Saturday afternoon in early September and most of the sun-worshipers were gone . The sun was going down, the wind began to pick up and we were shaking out our blankets. As I was gathering up my stuff, I heard my mother screaming. I looked to my left and I saw her being smacked by Bob, A.K.A. ‘Creepy Bob’ (our nickname for him). I stood there shirtless and frozen, holding my damp towel; what was a young boy to do?
I watched a beating that day; one that I will never forget. Thank heavens it wasn’t the age of You Tube! The saddest part of the incident is that no one interfered, except for some old Jewish lady sitting on her beach chair just a few yards away shouting, ‘Leave her alone, Leave her alone’. (OK lady, some help you are)
The rest of the early evening was mostly a blur for me. But I do recall sitting in the back seat of Creepy Bob’s car driving all the way back from Brooklyn listening to him scream and berate my mother to death, as she sat motionless in the front seat next to this lunatic.
Let it be known, he wasn’t the only scumbag who hit my mother. I have more images in my mind of so-called ‘men’, striking my mother who stood about 5’4″. Bob Arum or Don King would assign her in the light flyweight division.
Domestic abuse is a universal problem; it happens in many homes, upper, middle and lower class. It happens in families where you would never even think of it happening. I know of others growing up in the neighborhood who went through the same pain and suffering over time. The following is a blurb from wikipedia.com
Domestic violence has many forms including physical aggression (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, throwing objects), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation. Domestic violence may or may not constitute a crime, depending on local statues, severity and duration of specific acts, and other variables. Alcohol consumption and mental illness have frequently been associated with abuse.
There have been many scholarly studies over the years by so-called experts with 6 different degree’s as to why domestic abuse takes place. Here’s a piece of information Discovered in my research is the following:
Approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States.
Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes, U.S. Dep’t of Just., NCJ 183781, Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, at iv(2000), available at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/pubs-sum/183781.htm
Who really knows why it occurs? I do know for a fact that it takes a sick individual to strike their spouse. Guys who hit their significant other (or girlfriends, even their children) are nothing but cowards; there’s nothing tough about a man striking a woman (or child). Only a coward strikes someone defenseless as a woman or child. (I can’t wait to read the e-mails/comments…)
There are many theories to why men abuse women; Whether it’s stress related, anger, hot temper, loss of job, state of depression, personality problems/disorder, substance abuse (alcoholism) or even jealousy. It’s there, there’s no getting around it, but how in the world do we curb it? How do we confront it? Do you need a Ph.D in Family Studies? No, absolutely not!
Is there enough being said publicly about it? Is it like other deviant behavior that is hidden? Swept under the rug? Ignored?
Maybe some abusers think it’s too macho to seek help? Do you know of similar situations but refuse to step in because it’s not your business? We are taught to ‘mind our own business’, right? Screw that, if I see or hear of some kind of abuse, I’m going to do all I can to help.
Why do women fail to report an incident? When they do muster up the courage, is it too late? Are they afraid of what will happen without the bread-winner if he is thrown in jail? Where does a mother of 3, who is unemployed or uneducated take their kids? All these issues factor in each case.
I once read somewhere in an article from a magazine that stated if you grow up in a household where domestic abuse is common, you will grow up to abuse; I beg to differ. I have been with my wife Mary for 18 years, and I’m proud to say that not once have I ever come close to striking her. If you happen to see or know of a case where domestic abuse takes place, step up and do the right thing; help that person. Contact your local police, we all need to do our part and end this senseless cowardly behavior.
There’s a verse in a song by the Temptations, ‘Treat Her Like A Lady”, “When I was young, my mama used to say, boy a woman’s like a flower, with love on her you shower; Ever since that day, her words never went away I always will remember to treat my baby tender.” Don’t know the song? Here’s the video.