If you are following the Olympics (and I know you are) you know about the story on USA swimmer Ryan Lochte (I’ve never heard of him before) Sorry, not a big swimmer. I almost drowned once when I was like six.  But I do know Michael Phelps, who doesn’t?

Anyway, Lochte says he was held up and had a gun pointed at his head. Or pressed against his head. There’s speculation as to whether the story is legit?

Who cares?

On the other hand, yours truly DID have a gun pressed to his head back in the day.

Card store on 9th ave

As a teenager I worked at Key Food on month avenue.  One night while we were getting ready to close up shop I was sweeping by the front counter.  Max, one of the owners was pulling the cash from the register.   At this time, I noticed two guys walk in the front door.  These guys looked suspicious.

All of a sudden I heard them screaming for us to get down on the ground.

I was like, “SHIT!” It’s a stick up.  I had seen this kind of scenario in the movies but now I was part of it.


Where’s Adam-12 or Dan-O from Hawaii Five-O when you need them?

I’d even take Starsky and Hutch, or even Baretta to come crashing through the doors.

But this wasn’t Hollywood, this was the real deal.

I put my broom down gently and dove on the floor like I was going for a loose ball in basketball.

I had thoughts of whacking one guy but then his partner probably would have splattered my brains all over the walls.

Without looking up I could hear them talking in Spanish. I had no idea what they were saying.

They were behind the counter snatching the cash from Max.  Just when I thought they were done, one guy comes over to me, bends down and looks me in the eye.


His breathe reeked of booze.

I was now face-to-face with the guy and out of the corner of my eye I saw his gun.  It actually looked fake, sorta like the shiny steel colored ones kids play cops and robbers with. For all I knew he could have bought it in Rae and Otto’s?

All kinds of shit raced though my head.

Was he going to blast my head off and watch it roll down the aisle.  Was he going to shoot me in the leg, the ass?


Why did I come to work today?

You never wanted to see officer Doyle from the seven-two  but right about now I was praying he would walk in.

The fuck with the gun spared my life but winds up snatching a gold chain off my neck that my girlfriend Maureen had bought me for my birthday.

After what seemed like an hour, I finally got up off the ground when I heard Max calling the police.  I walked to the front door to take a peek out onto the avenue.

“STEVEN, STAY INSIDE!” Max screamed at me while I looked out the window.

Deep down I wanted to chase the scumbag and get my chain back.

But Max was right, so I stayed inside.