I was taking my 8 year - old daughter to school this morning like I normally do and saw some of the boys in her class. They have this line-up outside the school and at 8:45 they walk in together. (I lived across the street from H.N.S. and was constantly late!)
Anyway, as I watched her walk away from the car, I looked at a couple of the boys and wondered if any of them try and bully the others in class. I realize ‘bullying’ is normal in most schools, and that they try to curb it as much as possible.
Not only are there bullies in school but you have the smart-asses too. I fell under that category (yea, yea, I’m admitting it years later)
My friends and I liked to pick on others but it was always harmless stuff, so we thought. I have come to realize that I would never want someone in my daughter’s class to pick on her or I’d lose it.
When I think back to some of the times I picked on someone, or called someone a bad name, I realized I was doing it out of insecurity. I wanted their attention. (Yeah there you go, I’m not afraid to admit some of my shortcomings as a youngster.) I thought it would make me popular, I’d show off to try and make myself look tough.
Maybe I was jealous of someone, mad at them for scoring high on a test, or maybe the teacher showered them with ‘props’. Not talking to them or not including them in a game was a way to get back at them. Threatening them, making them feel uncomfortable or scared, damaging their things, hitting them or even kicking them were other ways I would I act out towards them.
Mischief, trouble, reprimands, they were all normal for me. Did I learn from them? Sometimes…
Looking back, I wish I wouldn’t have done some of the things I did like when Mary K stuffed a 17 piece pack of gum in her mouth all at once and pulled it out to show me how big it was; prompting me to smack it out of her hand…she tells me to this day she went back in Ballard’s and bought another pack, doing the same thing with the 17 pieces, showing me again and of course I smacked it out of her hand a second time!
I could sit here and apologize to everyone I ever hurt, or even upset, but that would take a long time. Am I sorry for what I did? Of course…
To all who have ever bugged someone, hurt someone’s feelings, or got into trouble as a youngster, I’m sure you’d like to have that time back and do the right thing.
Either way, it was wrong. And boy did I wish I could get that time back…
(Mary K, I’m sorry)
Mary K who?
“uhh oh” here comes her big brother, run Red, Red run!!!
Charlie…Are you kidding? Do you think Mary Kay Rail would have put 17 pieces of gum in her mouth at once? Twice!!! It must be ours.
Hi Steve, A big part of growing up is to be responsible for your actions. Your apology is very heartwarming and I’m sure Mary will be touched. However, the way I see it is: YOU owe her 34 pieces of gum. You can mail or bring them next time you come home. I’m sure she would prefer new pieces.
Steve, Great job on the blog! Your commitment to it’s success is obvious. Anything that can make Charlie sit down, for even a minute, is no small miracle. Thanks.
LOL
good one Kev
Kevin, I was thinking the same thing.
Steve, this an interesting entry. A good read is when you read something that makes you look inside yourself. That is when you know it struck a chord.
I think that in our generation, bullying was looked on more in terms of a physical kind of an issue. However, there definitely is just as much of a mental component as there is a physical one. The bullying that a lot of people can identify with was probably more of the teasing variety that it was the physical form. Most here will probably confess to have been party to some of that growing up, I know that I can.
Thinking back, I can remember so many times hearing things like “learn to take a joke” or “toughen up” being said to someone who was being teased. Personally, I can say that while growing up I was at times both the giver and the recipient of the teasing. It was part of growing up back then. Some days you were the windshield and some days you were the bug. Now, as an adult and a parent I too see this in an entirely different light.
Kids can be downright cruel. I also think that girls can be even meaner than boys. Steve, today the bullying is in a new age. Cyber-bullying is all the rage. Kids take things out to the internet and create fake MYSpace pages about other kids and they just have at it. They have the internet to use as a tool and it gives them a sense of anonymity. I have seen it on TV and heard about if from other parents as well. At least back in our day you could confront the person face to face. Not always something you wanted to do, but sometimes you did it because you wanted to take a stand.
Bullying/teasing was definitely a part of life and it was one that we all had to learn to deal with. What does not kill us makes us stronger. FYI, I recall many instances from back in the day when a bigger kid stepped in and stood up for a younger kid because they knew it was the right thing to do. I’ve had that done for me and I did it for others when I was in the same position. It was part of the maturation process, part of growing up.
Jerry
Kev,
I’m gone!!!!! Out of the country gone, I don’t want to mess with him.
LOL
Just kidding, of course.
Jerry,
Great stuff, you hit the nail on the head.
Charlie,
I’m talking about Mary K Cosmetics…
Dennis,
Good to see you. And you’re right, I do owe her 34 pieces of gum. I forgot the brand so Mary K, help me out. I’ll Fed-Ex them to you, serious!
CHARLIE AND DENNIS YOU GUYS ARE TOO FUNNY!!!! DENNIS BY ANY CHANCE DO I OWE YOU ANY AMMENDS CONCERNING THE SCHOOL YARD GROWING UP!!!!!! PAT (please note, not Patty) WAS SO HAPPY WITH THE PARTY YOU GUYS THREW FOR HER!! BY ANY CHANCE DID PATS PLANS GO AS SCHEDULED???
Hey,not so fast Red. I remember stepping on a wade of gum the size of a sewer cap years ago in the school yard.It wrapped around my sneaker to the point where half of it was pink.I had to throw my Nike legends in the trash.So you see smacking the gum out of MK’s hand had an effect($$$)on me as well.LOL
The Cole and Kawas kids are in the house…just like the good old days!
BL,
Nope, can’t be me. This happened on the avenue!
Steve,
Most of the kidding was just chop busting. Like when the older kids razzed ya it was usually good natured. t beat “Get List”. I love bustin chops (it’s in the family gene pool)but ya gotta know when to stop or who is a little more sesitive.
We had some guys who can zing you good.. like John Corrar comes to mind. You should do a blog about the nicknames in the hood.. Jocko,
Augie,Booby, Scnozz, Soupy, amd Milo (which I am shocked Mike was cool with.) There was a kid that played baseball for the 72 nd precinct named
a Sharpe we and he was quickly dubbed “Notso”…
Hoopscoach, send me the gum. Too much gum at one time is no good for your teeth. I’ll give Mary k one piece at a time.
Steve,
I still don’t understand why she didn’t just “Kiss it up to God.”
Hey Betty,
Amends? I don’t think so. You were always pretty cool to me. Why? Am I gonna have to go for a frikkin’ regression?
All’s going as planned for Pat. The party was a blast. She is an amazing sister. Should be in NC within the next couple weeks. Thanks.
Tommy Cole,
You nut. How are you? I’ve been reading this blog.
First, a couple things:
1)Did you call my mother a hawk? Then say she was a hoot? What’s with the raptor references?
2)When your grandfather was missing, you were telling my family that maybe he went down the toilet. That’s why Pat said we should look in the sewer.
3) Aunt Sis really was MY aunt. Everyone else was adopted.
I hope all’s well with you.
Steve,
I agree with Jim V. The majority of that stuff was just harmless kid stuff. Everyone got it and gave it. Very little was done in a mean-spirited way and, unfortunately for some, “Karma is a boomerang.”
Don’t sent Charlie the gum. He’ll try to outdo Mary by putting all 34 pieces in his mouth at one time. He’ll probably choke and then you’ll have to apologize to him, too.
Hey Dennis K…………Its been a long time. I have asked about you before and I heard that you are still living in brooklyn. Remmebr our trip to Fire Island with Terry lane. I was having dinner with him 25 yrs ago when I met my wife. Another good guy that left us to early .I remember us going out to bayridge to the clubs and you always being the best dancer. those were the days. I hope all is going well with you
Hey Dennis…I’m a nut alright! Raptors…What are you, an ornithologist? I called her a hoot, cause she was…I always thought she was the funniest mother on the block. Yeah, now I remember about Grandpa…you have too precise a memory, I think…it’s scary. Do you remember the time we drank all of Eddie Murphy’s Coke and filled the bottles with water and food coloring? He thought we were trying to kill him. And too bad about Aunt Sis…I guess she forgot wo write your name in the will. To contest it…friarbtc@aol.com.
The biggest bullies were the teachers.. Gillen with the board..Costaldo
hitting s in the hands with rulers wrapped in rubberbands.. And Brother Vinny.. The best verbal shot I took was Brother Thomas who after I gave some smart ass answer, ” Vackner, you got a brain the size of a pimple on
a crab’s ass”..35 Years later, there are days I think he may be right.
Hey Fin,
How stupid was I to show you my gum not once, but twice??? I forgave you for that about two minutes after you did it. We were probably playing basketball in the schoolyard on the SAME team a few hours later. Seriously though, you owe me $1.18. Ballards was having a sale where the 17-piece packs of gum were 2 for $1.00. I only bought one(not knowing that someone would knock it out of my hand)so it was 59 cents. The second pack was another 59 cents so that’s $1.18. When you are in town you can buy me a bagel at Terrace.
Hey Den and Charl, thanks for watching my back.
Hi Kev, Betty, Jimmy, Tommy, Jerry, Billy, Eileen and Brian. I hope that all is well.
I’m shock Mary K just didnt beat the crap out of you Steve
Mary K,
If he don’t pay up.. well let’s just say I know some people who know some people that will sqeeze a bakers dozen out of the coach…
Dennis,Charlie, and Mary K,
I ran into Lisa Leavy at a family baby shower(her sister Gerri is married my cousin). I was telling her about the site and mentioned you guys as contributors .. She then rattled off all the kids in your family by name. I was impressed until I realize I have no way of knowing she was right!!!
Hey Jim,
For future reference, here goes: Ricky, Mary, Christine, Doreen, Dennis, Charlie, Thomas, Pat, Paul and Teresa.
I wih I could remember the names she mentioned. How’s Christine doing? She used to be good friends with Susan Peterson and a girl named Susannah. I guess I knew you, Doreen, Christine, Charlie and Dennis more than your other siblings. Hope all is well….
Rich-I’m surprised she didn’t but she loves me (:
Jimmy - I’m in the witness protection program, they’ll never find me out here!
Rich who?
Hi Dennis!
Hope all is well with you. Hey Tommy Cole - do you remember when you made rose
boquets for all the girls on 16th street and left your mom’s trellis completely bare?
She was probably so mad but couldn’t punish you because it was such a nice gesture.
By the way - Thanks again for the roses!
Hey Mary Anne…I was always destroying something for a worthy purpose; something I did most of my life, I guess. LOL!!! Yes, I remember…ever the charmer! I met your nephew (FDNY) in Smith’s at Vinny Brunton’s wake…small world. And for the roses, you’re welcome. Where do you live? I’ve been banished to Jersey for three years now…ugh!
Lighten up brither dear Joisey ain’t so bad. Besides, where you’re at is practicaly within city limits. LOL!
Only 3 years? I’ve been in New Jersey for almost 20! The last 8 have been in Manasquan - the Jersey shore area, it’s great. It’s no Windsor Terrace, but what is?
I live in Staten Island now but I spend morre time in Jersey visting family and friends that moved to Old Bridge, Middletown, West Caldwell, Verona, Edison, and Clinton. They are all beautiful areas and I enjoy visiting.
The financial whizzes are saying that in the next 15 years or so , there will be a big migration from Long Island and New Jersey because the real estate taxes may be too much to stay…Do you think you guys are gonna stay after ya retire?
I have been working on my wife to retire back to the 1 and 1/2 bedroom apartment on our house on Windsor Place.. so far no luck..
Jim, interesting thought. I really like Monmouth County but do not know if I’d retire there. Maybe I could do what some other neighborhood denizens have done and move to the Carolinas. There’s lots of golf but I doubt you could get a decent bagel or pizza down there.
The Carolinas are getting more popular than Florida lately.
We are also considering Delaware if we want to stay somewhat local. It’s hard to plan becuase part of it is where will your kids wind up and other family considerations.
Jim, we gotta hook up either in the city or over the summer. I’m on Madison and 39th.
Jerry,
My department is going to 200 Park sometime around May or June.. we’ll grab lunch or a beer after work..
Jery,
I;m in your neighborhood in Middletown, NJ right now, babysitting my sister in law’s Sh-It Zu (i gotta another name for it!) << They went shopping so I volunteered to baby sit the mutt. It was like choosing between a colon exam and root canal. So far, he’s bitten my toes and untied my sneakers. Waking up, I almost punted him across the room, all four -five pounds of him.. I my use him to mop the fllor o sponge paint the walls with. Hope all is well. When go uptown, we’ll get together with Richie
(not the nickname).
Jim, sounds great. By tyhe way, I was in Brooklyn yesterday for the Brooklyn Irish Parade. Saw a lot of the old gang and even had the chance to tip a couple of containers at Farrell’s in honor of the blog!
Rich, FYI, I saw the Chief and Ricky H. at the parade.
Jerry,
I was supposed to stop by Farrells two Saturdays ago. We were at my cousin’s baby shower at Tommy Mac’s.. women on the back, guys at the bar and we all were going to take a walk over and grab a container or two.. but we ran out of time. If
you haven’t ate at Tommy Mac’s you gotta try it. The burgers were great and the girls were saying the steaks and the fish were excellent….
For the record, bullying sucked. John Costello used to ring my bell, ask me if I wanted to come out and play with him and Troise (whose first name just went out my head as I typed) and then run away when I got downstairs. I was invited to Josie’s party that didn’t exist. They only told me after I bought a present. While explaining bullying to my daughter last week, I told her these stories as an example. I was just telling her, no big deal. She cried for me.
However, I have to say that I am a kinder person and take great care of kids due to these types of experiences…so they were useful to me as a coach.
Mary K came to my rescue ALL THE TIME, I’m just saying…….
One more Mary Kay thing is that, when I was being treated the worst…..she invited me to hang with the “cool people” and it amazes me to this day. I was totally foreign to that world and she included me all the time. I was in a whole other culture but because of Mary Kay I was treated with way more respect during seventh and eighth grade!!
Mary K was the best!
LOL! I wrote Mary Kay like the cosmetics….sorry……the K would be Kawas. She became friends with my high school friend, Mary Kay J……they are both wonderful basketball players.
Hey Ann!
I just saw that you were on the blog now. Sorry that I didn’t say hello sooner. I hope that you and your family are well. I think that the last time that I saw you was up at the 10th street playground with your kids. That must have been about 10 years ago.Are you still in the City? You were always so sweet and an UNBELIEVABLE swimmer! We had alot of fun hanging out. Where did the time go?? Take care and God Bless, MK
Hey, MK, I just found this thing last night. I was Googling someone, I don’t even know who. Maybe John Ferro?? And I found this…..and I just started going nuts, memories pouring out of me. Poor Steve/Red/Fin…I sent him like seven million emails. I live up north, nearly in Canada…..I’ve lived all over the place and it’s sometimes hard because I don’t know anyone who really “knows” me…..I married my high school boyfriend, though…..also a swimmer.
I’m thinking I lived in another country because we all played on Sherman Street and at 154 while you were all playing up at the Holy Name schoolyard. I was telling my kids a few weeks ago (when we drove down for Mr. D’s funeral…
how we used to hang out at the back of the Boardman apartments before they built em…remember with the cross on the wall and all? I was SUCH a dork and you all let me hang out anyway! LOL
Time flies. Who’s forty two? Me?